im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
