I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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