When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
