Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i came on her dog
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your penis caused this!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
