She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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