You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it wasn't lemon gatorade
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
