Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
