I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
