how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
