She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
