My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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