i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
