well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
