i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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