Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
