Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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