I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
