Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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