Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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