Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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