Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
