Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
