It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you never un-have a 4some
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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