Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
