shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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