OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Green mimosas i think yes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
