I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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