True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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