please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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