I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
