I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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