Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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