Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
