we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
