they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
