Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
