U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
