yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
