Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
