HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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