I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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