i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
