hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
