i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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