I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
