Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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