So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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