Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
