My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize