broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
