had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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