She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
