i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
