I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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