Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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