Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
