DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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