i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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