Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
