if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
