grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
