u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
