i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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