carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
