Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
