I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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