11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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