She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
