Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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