I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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