We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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