got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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