i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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