Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
