i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
