this beer tastes like vomit already
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
