i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
